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Englewood:THE SOAP
home : features : englewood:the soap June 24, 2016

Englewood: The SOAP!

Elizabeth Spicer
Contributing Writer

Chapter IX, Episode 2:
There Goes The Baby and The Rinse Water

The noise came from Wanda Lou Wynette. She was rinsing her unmentionables in the sink, while holding little Ray Lee Dawn Chung. The surprise of Ray Chung offering to be Brenda Sue’s real estate agent was so horrific, she dropped the baby into the water. The squirming child surfaced with a bra on her head. Ray and Brenda Sue raced to the kitchen area of the mobile home (which meant going about five feet).

“Wanda Lou, what is going on? I just stepped in rinse water and your precocious child is blowing bubbles with my slightly padded brassiere dangling from her overly large ears. “ said Brenda Sue.

“Ray say: Hey! Little Ray Lee Dawn Chung grow into ears. All Chung babies start out with big ears.”

“Maybe that accounts for their tiny brains!” 

“Would you two just hush!!!!” said Wanda Lou. “ I accidentally dropped the baby in the sink when I heard Brenda Sue say she was going to turn over her insurance check to Ray Chung. Don’t do it, Brenda Sue. You’ll be out of your money faster than you can say adjustable mortgage.”

“Wanda Lou hurt Ray’s feelings. First, Wanda Lou drop little baby daughter in sink. Ray give Wanda Lou adjustment. No charge!”

“Ray, I haven’t seen a child support check since Snuggies were sold on TV.”

“Ray say: Maybe yes, maybe no. Now Ray real estate agent to the stars.”

“What stars?” snapped Wanda Lou. She was tired of Ray’s “ get rich quick” schemes. Besides, the real estate market had more holes in it than US 41. Just thinking about it made her feel queasy. 

“Ray now sell houses all over Florida. You know Bush home on Boca Grande? Ray could have sold that. You know Bobbie Vinton home on Manasota Key? Ray could have sold that.” 

“Ooh, Ray!” exclaimed an excited Brenda Sue. “ I want to be in a celebrity-ladened neighborhood! “

“Brenda Sue, ‘coulda’ does not mean ‘did’. And $8,000 won’t even buy the palatial abode known as my home which you inhabit now.”

“Ray say: Wanda Lou’s grammar slipping. Ray confused. Fortunately, Ray is used to that.”

“Whatever. Brenda Sue, if you turn that insurance check for $8,000 dollars over to Ray Chung, you can just move into the Veranda Inn.”

“Ray say: no problem. Brenda Sue move in with Ray. Ray have futon!”

“Thanks, Ray, but I would rather kayak to Key West in cardboard than move in with you. Besides, I am used to the finer things in life. Remember, I am used to having my own hot tub just off the living room of my mobile home.”

“Ray remember Great Hot Tub Flood of 2009. Brenda Sue flood trailer park but saved own life with highly inflated bikini. Ray say it time to burst that bubble.”

“Ray, stop it right there. Brenda Sue is not giving you that check and she is not going to live with you even if you do have a futon. 

“Wanda Lou hurt Ray’s feelings. Fortunately, Ray used to that.”

“If only we knew somebody with some business experience who could give us some good investment advice regarding what to do with Brenda Sue’s insurance check from when her home blew up... 

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. 

“Did someone say they needed business advice?”

Brenda Sue glanced at the dapper man at the ragged screen door and screamed. But who could it be? Find out next issue when someone finally takes the bra off that baby’s head and pulls her out of the sink in....Englewood.

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