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Amanda Glam
home : features : amanda glam
November 18, 2018

5/9/2018 2:30:00 PM
Amanda's Picks

Amanda Glam
Entertainment Writer

Dear Marvel,

I know that you are still probably reeling over the fact that I will not be buying a ticket for “Avengers: Infinity War.” How will you possibly post a profit this year without my $9? But I cannot concern myself with your fiscal woes as it is time I confront you about why I am avoiding this Marvel film in particular.

First, there’s the trailer. Watching it made me dizzy and confused. I admit that I am not completely current with the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), indeed I didn’t know that MCU was a thing and that this Universe has “phases” I tried to look up just how many superheroes appear in “Infinity War.” That number appears to be about 28, unless Ned and Cindy are superheroes, which would be sad because those are the worst superhero names ever. That’s also assuming Ebony Maw and Proxima Midnight are as evil as their names sound, or as I’ll refer to them here, villains. 

“Infinity War” is the 19th movie in the MCU. “Iron Man” (2008) is the first, even though the first of the current “Spiderman” series was released in 2002. Apparently this has something to do with Marvel, Sony, law and film rights. But Spiderman became part of the MCU later and he gets to be in “Infinity War.” And speaking of insect/human heroes, apparently Ant-Man isn’t in “Infinity,” probably because the MCU is in the process of making another Ant-Man movie in which he co-stars with a wasp. You probably guessed that Amanda won’t be seeing this insect-heavy Marvel movie either. 

But back to “Iron Man,” the first movie in the MCU. “Captain America: The First Avenger,” was released three years later but he’s such a nice guy that he’s probably OK with that. A look back in the Amanda archives, reminded me just how much I enjoyed “Iron Man” and how totally smitten I was with Robert Downey, Jr. Director Jon Favreau delivered a smart, funny, suspenseful superhero movie and I came back for more Downey in “Iron Man 2” (not as good) and 3, which was better than 2 but not as good as 1. 

I’ve seen other Marvel movies, and enjoyed several of them, especially the first “Guardians of the Galaxy” (2014) and one of the Captain America movies although I’m not sure which one. Am I the only one who never heard of, “Thor: The Dark World?” I swore Ultron was the material in my London Fog trench coat, but apparently it’s an Age that deserved a Marvel movie. 

You see Marvel, this is where you and I have a problem. I prefer a movie like “Iron Man” where I get to know my hero and care if he lives or dies or saves the world or gets together with some blonde named Pepper. You want to give me Iron Man and all the other Avengers, including characters like Mantis and The Collector, who I don’t care about. Apparently several of your heroes die in Infinity War. I’m guessing this will upset people who might not believe you’ll find a way to bring all of them back as evil twins, or non-evil twins or spirit animals or Gods. I mean we thought you killed Groot, that adorable tree guy in “Guardians of the Galaxy, but he comes back as an even more adorable Baby Groot in “Guardians 2.” So, really, I can’t take you seriously. That said, please don’t kill Iron Man.

To be fair, I have this same issue with the Star Wars movies and just about any other space/adventure series. I want less and with each new installment, they insist on giving me more - more battles, more explosions, more stress and more noise. This is why I found “Wonder Woman” (DC, not Marvel), such a pleasant “throwback.” A good part of the movie was devoted to the character’s origin story. And I don’t think one building exploded in the first 30 minutes. Oh and speaking of DC, I’m worried about the “Deadpool” sequel (May 18). The first movie had just enough humor and story to make me occasionally ignore the ridiculously high body count (55 according to moviebodycount.com). Yet, I imagine the filmmakers will find a way to increase that number in “Deadpool 2.” 

Marvel, I do want to come back to you one day, if only as a bargaining tool to get Derek to a Hugh Grant romcom. Is it too much to ask to tone things down just a bit in Phase 4? Or make Hugh Grant a superhero, that’s a movie I’d go see.

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