A letter to the Englewood REVIEW editor
By Robert Robbins, PhD
I’ve been taking a hard look at Michael Melton the past few weeks following the primary, and we have to be honest with ourselves: nobody should vote for a man with a beard like that.
Melton’s beard is long. Almost as long as the 20-year sales tax sharing the exact same ballot—a tax that Kim Amontree is fully riding along with, touting how it will be paid not just by locals, but by visitors. Because nothing says conservative leadership quite like embracing every opportunity to spend other people’s money on whatever projects county officials decide you need!
It is simply unrealistic for anyone with common sense to look at a full ZZ Top-style beard and not ask: What is he hiding? And—gasp—what if he has a tattoo? By the time he steps up to take the oath of office, it will be too late for any of us to find out!
Sure, he knows a lot about the Constitution and backs up all of his ideas with the Constitution. But so did Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, and James A. Garfield. Those historic leaders used their iconic beards to advance lofty, grand ideas on the national stage. In fact, Melton’s excessive references to the Constitution to back up his claims are clearly just a clever distraction from whatever he’s hiding behind that epic beard. A beard like that has absolutely no place in local county politics.
Author, Robert Robbins, PhD
Just look at his record—it’s full of red flags for anyone paying attention:
Impersonating a commissioner: He’s spent seven years volunteering on the local Construction Industry Licensing Board, rooting out bad contractors while sitting at the very same dais, in the exact same chairs as the guys approving massive developments!
Suspiciously running his own local business: Instead of taking orders from high-minded national corporate headquarters like a sensible politician, he insists on owning and operating an engineering firm right here in Charlotte County. What is he trying to pull?
Tangled up in the local community: His wife is a veteran local schoolteacher, and he has the sheer audacity to shamelessly live and raise his family right in the exact same district he’s running to represent!
It’s clear he’s entirely too tied to the local neighborhood.
His opponent, Kim Amontree, on the other hand, knows how to get things done. Why bother with small local donations when you can secure a mile-long list of high-powered national homebuilders, mega-developers, and generous out-of-town PACs? It’s truly heartwarming to see giant corporate donors unite behind her. And let’s be honest: those big-time developers wouldn’t inject all that cash into her campaign unless they were 100% confident she’ll keep her promises and deliver the goods when future development approvals and 20-year tax dollars are on the line.
As Maya Angelou famously said: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
If elected, Amontree will show us exactly who she is by displaying total, unwavering loyalty to her campaign donors—getting rid of those smelly cows, converting untamed rural ag land into neatly packed rows of new houses, and deciding how to spend your money. With Melton, what you see is what you get… or is it?
What if all the community values and priorities he’s advertising right now are genuine, but then—a month after taking office—he goes and shaves off the beard? By then, it will be too late. The voters will have been completely fooled.
We simply cannot take that risk. Some people clearly are not paying attention to that beard.
Notice that not one of the remaining commissioners has a beard. You’ve seen the results of what a board of commissioners without beards can accomplish: endless storage units to keep your extra stuff, bright new car washes on every corner, and vacant, abandoned storefronts that signal pure economic opportunity! Introducing the first beard to that delicate mix is going to ruin all that consistency!
If you’re willing to overlook a suspicious amount of local community service, a potential tattoo, and a giant beard, I suppose you could consider Michael Melton. But if you’re ready for someone who will demonstrate the unwavering qualities of integrity and loyalty to her special donors and maintain the status quo at Murdock Circle, vote in alphabetical order on the ballot.
You have a choice in November. Can we really afford to elect a commissioner with a beard?
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